Thursday, April 14, 2011

A Path Less Trodden

I have this fleeting feeling that I am not on the same page as everyone else. I have a tendency to think that this is a bad awful thing....a thing to loath in myself.
The funny thing is, this is a road that divides. If I am on the same page as everyone else, then I can be classified as mainstream or a sellout or any number of other radical terminology that signifies my deviation from purity as an artist. If, however, I am on a different page, a self declared page of my very own, I face the ridicule of those who have no desire to move outside the comfort of their own box, their own understanding, and their own lives.

What dangerous paths these are! I hate them both!

So, looking as the options, it seems by choice would be easy, right? Why do I care who ridicules me? Why do I care what other people say?

It's an important lesson to learn. A very important lesson.
Definition: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

It's not my pride that I speak of... no, it's my hatred of it. I once had a year long battle with pride and many misunderstandings about myself and others. The answer to the question is not really about pride at all. I care what others say, not because of the words themselves, but because the meaning that is behind them saying it. If someone is so upset by selling out that they care enough to voice these concerns to me (no matter how harsh they seem to come out), then perhaps what they are getting at is that they don't want me to lose my sense of self or that flame that made me love artistry to begin with. My pride would get in the way of hearing the truth in what they mean to say.

As for the other side of things, lately I've had a much lower level of patience for those that wish me to be on the same page. It has partly to do with my willingness to step out of my own box and accept things as they are. Because, I can't learn anything when I'm blinded by pride.

Obviously, if you read this blog closely enough, you may pick up on a little residual frustration. I am tired of trying to be on the same page, and I'm flirting dangerously with a line of regret. 

I choose to find some other path. Neither of these dangerous paths suit me. And instead of trying to brave the two forks that lead me in different directions. I'll choose my own. I see another path, not a road or a well-worn foot trail... just another way to get me through the day that keeps me from having to aggravate or be bothered by any of the travelers on either of these roads.

"A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you're looking down, you can't see something that's above you." - C.S. Lewis

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