Friday, November 12, 2010

I have, have I failed?

No. I have not I supposed.

Not really, because in the grand scheme of things, I am still alive. But sometimes life just knocks the wind out of you. Recently, I took on a new job. It's the kind where I can turn my mind off and just let it do it's OCD thing naturally. I sift and sort and organize and fix someone else's version of organization.

But, it was just to keep me occupied. Just a little extra cash. And it made me happy... for a while. Until I found out that my betrothed got passed over on a job he very much deserved and we very much needed. So here I am, trying to not fail at being a bad blogger (defined as one who never updates).

I feel that I have failed. Because even though he didn't get the job, based on a dirty political system (is there any other kind?), I feel that I am somehow responsible for this failure... even when I'm not.

I think that happens sometimes, well, a lot really. We tend to blame ourselves for things that really are not our fault and are really out of our control. And everytime it happens, I lose a little faith in the world and in people. It's not just the injustice, it's the lack of support from a community. There should have been a great commity sigh when he found out. Instead there were jokes and wise cracks. In an earlier post, I mentioned some people who had been victims of bullying. I don't think it stops in high school folks. I think it continues, and we as the people who govern this world are only passing it along.